Free to accept getting wet from the rain
Free to accept life and walk through its pain
Free to remain in Him and attain in Him the hope
That abides the darkest night, the hope that looks for the light
When there’s none I can see.
I’m free to be me, just me
Free to feel misery and ecstasy with equanimity
And regard those imposters equally.

In Christ I find peace that increases and never ceases

Except when I forget, hedge a bet, or get in a hurry
When the slings and the arrows come at me in a flurry
Like a cold cold rain. And I sink into worry.
I distract and delude myself trying to scurry
Around doing it myself.
Not accepting His help
Completely blind to how I put Him on the shelf.

Not willing to play out the cards I’ve been dealt
I complain. Curse the rain. And feign a campaign of control
Until His Grace smacks me upside the broadside of my soul

Until I set aside my ego and see so it’s better that He go
And steer my ship for a while. Or better yet, forever.
Then I can smile in any kind of weather.
I can welcome the rain. Accept the wet. Accept the death
Required for true life. Accept His Cross.
Welcome the loss.

See, God’s Will will be done whether I want it or not
So Christ, help me want what I already got
Rather than jonesing to get what I want
Reveal to me the blessings I can’t seem to spot
Without a lot
of your Grace.

Please free me from noisy desires that still taunt me
Please free me from nagging temptations that haunt me
Please free me from the conceit that I’m too good
To suffer a little defeat when I know You would
Die for me and rise to be my shelter for eternity.

By walking thru the pain with Him, ultimately I gain with Him. And I can remain with Him.

Where I can be…Free. Nothing’s worrying. Me.

Don’t step out of line with your old man, Girlzilla. Honor your father and mother, or imagine a banner-sized version of this beauty at your wedding reception.

Oh yes, you know I would…..

Yes, I think it is. Rather depressing. At least I know Heidi must love me for my heart and not my money or my looks.

Heidi is every bit as warm and loving as she looks. Even Gracie has to smile when momma’s got her.

Mr. Freshpants, or Fresh in recent years, is eight now. He’s a deeply felt little guy. All boy, awkward, hyper, jubilant. Has come a long way as he was a drug baby too. We had him since almost birth but we adopted him when he was two.

Gracie is 6 years old, going on fourteen. All her best photos are of her looking serious. She was born with drugs in her system. We adopted her in her second year.

Girlzilla is on the verge of being grown up at sixteen. She’s our birth child. She singlehandedly prepared us for the chaos of having four children. Now she helps us care for them.

She was born weighing just 17 ounces. She’s still a skinny little sprout. But she’s endlessly exuberant. We adopted her in 2005 during her first year.

Later, Heidi called me on her way out to class. “Did you listen to the prayer podcast this morning? Anything sound familiar?” So we shared a quick moment.

It makes some great poetry. Better when sung. I wish my voice were in shape enough to do this justice. Anyway, here it is.

Come My Way, from The Call, by George Herbert

Come, my Way, my Truth, my Life:
Such a way as gives us breath;
Such a truth as ends all strife,
Such a life as killeth death.

Come, my Light, my Feast, my Strength:
Such a light as shows a feast,
Such a feast as mends in length,
Such a strength as makes his guest.

Come, my Joy, my Love, my Heart:
Such a joy as none can move,
Such a love as none can part,
Such a heart as joys in love.

Twenty. Freaking. Years. Woohoo!

So, big night tonight, huh? We should have some big stuff planned, right?

Hmmm… Well… we’ll go to dinner. We’re planning a getaway weekend for later this month. Sounds kind of ho-hum.

This was bothering me today in thought (or prayer. potayto-potahto) until it hit me — this anniversary thing is too big to fit into one day. I have trouble (and not enough money for) coming up with some sort of ostentatious event/present that can do twenty years of marriage justice in one day. I mean, it’s not just our anniversary, it’s the 20th birthday of our entire family!

So, I declare a Jubilee Year. Yeah, that’s it. We’re going to celebrate for an entire freaking year. I’m thinking a getaway vacation for Heidi and I. A big road trip vacation for the fambly. A blow-out family jubilee birthday party. A ten year vision, a time capsule, a jubilee garden in the backyard — the possibilities are endless. Lots of ways to celebrate.

So that’s what we’ll talk about tonight. Kickoff the Jubilee year at some trendy Houston Eatery like Reef.

Happy Anniversary, Baby.