Okay, it’s a small thing but I signed this petition. I was signature 84,833.
My current crisis of faith
Americans are packing the churches to pray. And for what exactly? Demographics tell me that most of them must be a flavor of Christian. But the drumbeat for war that I hear on the street gives me little reassurance that I am among people who share my faith.
And at a time when it is hardest for me to think like a real Christian, I need someone around me who is willing to say it with me:
We Christians should pray foremost for peace! Make Love, not War!
Jesus’ teachings are inconvenient at the moment, as they may be so for some time hence. Love your enemies? Turn the other cheek? Do good to those who persecute you? Yeah right. Jesus, we worship you as savior and Lord, but get *real*, okay?
In church we escape into prayers for the victims and for our country. Of *course* we should pray for the victims and our country, but noone breathes a word of the unspoken, difficult, and most important prayer
that looms in the air. Pastors hint at it, but they don’t dare say it. Maybe they realize it’s not the time. Maybe they realize that people are still too hurt and angry to pray for our emenies. As Jesus commanded us to do.
But will there come a time in the weeks and months ahead, as our country is making irreversible plans for the deaths of thousands of people, that we *will* hear peace preached from the pulpits across America? As Jesus commanded us to do?
I look to the Holy Father to provide such leadership. He’s good for that. He spoke out repeatedly against the wildly popular Gulf War. But American Christians, even Catholics, only listen to him when we already agree
with him. Like Jesus, the Pope is someone we admire and love, but not someone whose opinion will change our minds.
So where does someone go who wants to pray in public for peace? Where is the Church of common belief, of Christians who read Jesus’ words and take them not just to heart but to word and deed? I want to join that church. But as a follower because, God forgive me, I am not strong enough to be that kind of a leader.
The cycle of violence is harder to break when the cycle rests on you and you are the one to have to choke down your rage and choose peace over revenge. It can’t be done alone, or as a silent, intimidated minority.
I’ll admit it’s hard. I want to get the bastards too. I can understand trying to live the Gospel and failing. What is shaking my faith right now is that it seems we preach the Gospel but do not really *believe* it at all. Where are the believers? Am I foolish to believe in Jesus’ message of peace? Is all this Christian stuff worth believing at all?
I rather admire the Buddhists. At least the ones I know. They do much in their actions that we Christians say we believe — Practice peace, practice lovingkindness, the eightfold path. Maybe I’ll hide out as a Buddhist for a while. There’s room for Jesus there too.
Let me know when the coast is clear. Let me know when we can start praying for peace again. I know it’s cowardly to lie low and not stand up in public for your beliefs, but I’m not that strong of a person. I can’t stand alone. I’m too weak. I need company. How about you?