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Quite loving my Clark’s Vivos. Last year I got a pair of Dharmas from my wife and they were too tight when I tried them on the wide blocks God gave me in lieu of normal feet. Crushed, I set them aside to return them.

Lucklily for me (in this case) in our house we have a curious aversion to all things snail mail which makes things like rebate offers and mail order return policies a little dodgy for us. So they sat in the round-to-it pile for months. And then a few weeks ago, it occured to me that, “Hey, those are made from leather and other natural materials. They’re engineered to be flexible, by golly. I should put them on and force them to fit my blocky feet.”

And that’s what I did. And they did fit after a day or two. Like a glove. Except without the articulated toes that vex me about my beloved Vibram FiveFingers.

So now I can wear them to work and church. And now I don’t want to wear anything that is not a Vibram or a Vivo.

I am starting a Vivo replacement fund. Because they’re kind of expensive but I already know I’m going to march out (only, not march, but surf, not wave surf, but web surf) and buy a replacement pair.

And with how much I am wearing these joyfully-comfortable, foot-hugging, respectable-but-casual, people-don’t-stop-and-point-at-them shoes, it might not take me long to wear them out.

I wouldn’t have voted for anyone who told me what I didn’t want to hear.
I suspended my own common sense to foist my unrealistic expectations on you.
Now that you’re elected I want this change you promised us and I want it really fast.
But I don’t like the details of any specific change you could realistically get passed.
I prefer ideology over people, so compromise is off the table.
I want change that doesn’t make me uncomfortable.
I prefer the status quo to to the uknown.
Long term solutions are too expensive. Bandaids are cheap.
I want hope without uncertainty.
This change you’re pushing must be paid for
But not by me.
So, what’s taking you so long? You made promises!
We demand responsive government!
(Please limit your response to 10 seconds or 144 characters.)

Taking my cues from this source on culinary glasses and puffed food, I got my first home-puffed healthy snack success last night by making a culinary “glass” out of whole wheat pasta. See the link above for the technicals of glass transition temperatures and water composition, etc. What I did was:

1. Boiled 100% whole wheat penne in heavily salted water on low for, like, 45 minutes. Overcooked without destroying the pasta shape
2. Dried the pasta in an oven overnight, door cracked, on a temperature just above the “glass transition temperature” (”warm” setting did it for me)
3. Microwaved handfuls of the pasta in a 800W microwave at high setting for 1 minute

You will hear crackling coming from the microwave (a la Rice Krispies). They will look slightly browned and pocked with crispy bubbles. Crunchiest after cooling. Salt (or otherwise flavor) and munch. Walla! Whole-grain non-fried crunchy snacks!

Easy to do, but requires time and patience.

It’s still Christmas. I’m celebrating right up until Epiphany. That means I’m still singing carols and listening to Christmas music. I am also bringing out my favorite spoken word recordings about Christmas. Check out:

John Henry Faulk’s Christmas Story about a giving a ride to a young boy carrying an orange. Makes me tear up every year.

David Sedaris’ Story of being an elf in a department store at Christmas. He’s hilarious, if you like irreverent, snarky humor. Fun for the Scrooge in all of us.

And This American Life’s latest episode is a Christmas special. It’s temporarily available for download. Again irreverent snark warning. But very funny.

Two more notables, not free online but well worth a purchase:

Minnesotan Kevin Kling’s story called “A View From The Card Table” about Christmas as a young boy.
Texas preacher Gordon Atkinson (Real Live Preacher) has some of the best dramatized accounts of the Christmas story I’ve ever heard.

Some auditory christmas ornaments for you!

Q — What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to close his own incision?
A — Suture self.

Q — What do you get if you play New Age music backwards?
A — New Age music.

A cowboy walked into a bar. He was wearing a paper hat, a paper bandana, a paper shirt, paper chaps, and paper pants. He was arrested…for rustlin’

Q — What’s large, gray, and not to the point?
A — An irrelephant

Q — How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A — Do you mean “change a lightbulb” or “have sex in a lightbulb”? Please clarify.

If a train station is where the train stops, what’s a workstation?

Q — Why are pirates so mean?
A — They just ARRRRR!!

Chopped cabbage–it’s not just a good idea…it’s THE SLAW!

Cogito Ergo Spud–I think, therefore I yam.

Relish today, ketchup tomorrow

Love means never having to say, “Put down that meat cleaver!”

Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.

You’ll go to Heck if you don’t believe in Gosh.

Ask me about UPDOC.

Nostalgia is never as good as it will be.

What do we want? The status quo! When do we want it? Still….

I’ve gotta be me–everyone else is already taken.

Couch potatoes have brain tubers.

God said to Noah, “On your ark, get set, go!”

Can God make rock so heavy he can’t thrash to it?

When the Devil goes bald, there will be hell toupee.

Use vowels every day or you’ll get consonated.

Lizard Invasion!!! Newts at 11:00…

Pawanioa: the fear your dogs are up to something

Dijon Vu: The feeling you’ve seen this mustard before

If you’re a Goth, where were you when we sacked Rome?

I want to move to theory. Everything works in theory.

f(x) went into a bar. “Sorry”, said the bartender. “We don’t cater to functions.”

Remember: With great power comes great current squared times resistance

Calculus: The agony and dx/dt

Life is complex: it’s partly real and partly imaginary

So now that I am (gratefully, happily, for now) back in a cube farm 8 hours a day, I need to avoid the vending machine, the fast food drive through, and the indulgent expensive out for lunch options. I need deskside meal options that compare in attractiveness to the other options. Leftovers from home sometimes have that cache for me but not always.

And since I have flunked several tests lately related to the composition of my blood I need to focus on whole grains and other slow carbs, protein, and good fats like olive oil and nuts. Nothing processed, over-packaged, partially-hydrogenated, or with HFCS and other satanic sweetners.

Other requirements: Easy to tote/prepare/clean-up, compact enough to store in a cubicle, minimal equipment required, no “cooking” except for the office microwave.

Being close to the refirgerator helps my situation quite a bit so I can keep a store of fresh produce and cheeses.

I have been having some success after having the right set up here at work. I sacrificed one file cabinet drawer to be my Deskside Pantry:

kosher salt
good olive oil
red pepper flakes
small pepper grinder
various types of nuts
various types of 100% whole grain crackers
various (unsugared) dried fruits
Packets of Salmon, Tuna, and other DHA-rich fatty fish
a small cutting board and sharp knife (with cover. safety first)
microwaveable measuring bowl, for portion awareness
tablespoon measure, for metering out small portions of delicious, forbidden condiments
Disinfecting wipes for cleanup (because, besides your kitchen sink, and your sick kid, the germiest place in your life is your desk and keyboard)

I have been mixing tuna, salt, pepper, and nuts along with a small measure of minced dried fruit as a makeshift fish salad. Great with crackers, but also good straight for when the cracker portion has run out.

My latest repeatable Cubicle Gourmet idea mixes available items from my desk pantry with some fridge items brought from home.

Salmon Hummus Pate: Mix a 2.6 oz pouch of Salmon, 3T of Hummus (I used Athenos Spicy Threee Pepper), and 2T of goat cheese (Cheesy Girl “Hottie” Jalapeno for me). Add kosher salt. Mix. Fold in nuts on hand (I used cashews, but I could seriously envision toasted walnuts or pepitas as well.) Serve with 100% Whole Grain crackers.

(Caveat: Nuts can go rancid in your desk over time, so keep manageable quantities. I like to keep larger portions of raw nuts in the freezer at work and toast them myself. You can roast raw nuts in the microwave to get that fresh toasty taste and texture. This was an epiphany to me when first I heard it. Just heat the nuts in the microwave for 1 minute at a time, stirring in between minute heatings to prevent scorching. Two or three should do it.)

Wa-LA! “Go Food” that tastes like “Slow Food.”

Next Up: Office popcorn that doesn’t give your co-workers “popcorn lung.”